Crying It Out - Good or Bad?

I recently read an article in Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out) that states that letting your baby “cry it out” is detrimental to babies. The “crying it out” method of getting your baby to sleep was developed by Richard Ferber, M.D. The premise of “Ferberizing”, as this method is also called, is that you put your baby in his crib awake. He recommends that you don’t start this method of sleep training until the baby is at least 4-6 months old. On the first night of implementing the sleep training, you would go in and check on the baby after 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, and then 10 minutes. He does not advocate picking up the baby when she’s crying, but instead patting her back. On the second night check on baby after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and then 12 minutes.

The article states that letting a baby “cry it out” can affect health, such as digestion, can lead to babies not developing trust due to their needs not being met, can lead to caregivers not responding to subtle cues their babies may be giving them, and can cause neurons in the brain to die, because “when a baby is stressed, the toxic hormone cortisol is released.”

The author takes the position that our ancestors didn’t let their babies cry, because if they did, they would become food for animals. Babies were held all the time and their needs were met.

As a parent myself, and as a professional in the field of child development, my belief is that it is okay for babies to cry at times. Crying is a baby’s form of communication. They have different cries for different needs, and we, as caregivers, learn what our baby’s cries mean.

Humans have evolved since our ancestral times, and holding our babies constantly is not necessary, or even possible, today. More often than not, both parents work to support the family. Sometimes there are other siblings to care for as well, and we are not always able to meet their needs instantly and hold them. There are other times when we don’t know what the need is until we’ve tried several things. A perfect example of times when it is beneficial for a baby not to be held is tummy time. It is good for babies to have tummy time on the floor every day, rather than spend all of their time in someone’s arms. Tummy time helps strengthen muscles and helps babies learn about the world around them.

When it comes to letting your baby “cry it out” at naptime or bedtime, I don’t believe that it is detrimental as the author has stated in the article. As a baby gets older, they do learn to self-soothe, and it is okay to put them to bed awake so they can fall asleep on their own. Usually, within a week of enforcing the “cry it out” method, a baby will have figured it out and be able to go to sleep without crying.

I believe that if you are meeting your baby’s needs throughout the day, and are just letting him “cry it out” at bedtime, it will not cause the baby to distrust you. On the other hand, if a parent is repeatedly not meeting her baby’s needs, then, yes, it will have a detrimental affect on the baby.

Falling asleep on one’s own is something one needs to do throughout his life and is a skill that needs to be learned at some point. The “crying it out” method is not for everyone though. It is very hard to listen to your baby cry for a long period of time, and if you choose to implement this method, it is very important that both parents are in agreement and are supportive of each other.

Asthma and your child

My son was diagnosed with asthma when he was about 5 years old. Looking back, I believe he showed symptoms even when he was a baby. He was always congested and he did a lot of mouth breathing when he slept. Whenever he got sick he would get a chesty cough. He used to be a noisy sleeper. He snored often. He ended up having his tonsils and adenoids removed, which helped tremendously with his sleeping.

He has been receiving allergy shots for almost 4 years, which I believe has helped a lot with his asthma. His asthma is mostly triggered by exercise, illness, and seasonal allergens (springtime is the worst). When he does get sick, it doesn't turn into the horrible chesty cough that he used to get, and when he does have bouts of asthma, they seem to be more easily controlled.

My point in writing this entry is to encourage you as a parent to not give up in finding out what the best ways to treat your child's asthma are. Different medications work better for different children. I feel that keeping in close contact with your child's doctors and noticing the triggers of your child's asthma are helpful in keeping the symptoms at bay. With my son's last bout of asthma, I had to add a new medication into his daily regimen. It seems to have helped a lot.

People often speak of children growing out of asthma. From what I've read, one never actually grows out of asthma, but the symptoms may decrease. Swimming is supposed to be one of the best exercises for a person with asthma. Also, using musical instruments such as trumpets, flutes, etc. are good for building up and strengthening the lungs.

Unfortunately, more and more children are being diagnosed with asthma. Trying to keep it under control is, unfortunately, the best thing we can do for our children who are living with this condition.

Playing with your kids

Well, the kids went back to school today after having 2 weeks off for winter break. In some ways, it's good to be getting back into the routine of things, but I'm also a little homesick for my kids! It was nice sleeping in and spending the days relaxing with the kids. We took long walks with the dog, did some shopping, and played lots of games! The most played games were Sorry, Old Maid, Blokus, Mancala, and Wii.

There were times when my daughter asked me "mom, will you play a game with me?" and I wanted to say "maybe later" or "not right now" but instead I said "sure, what do you want to play?" I'm so glad that I spent so much time playing. We had so much fun and I know that the kids were happy and enjoying their time with me.

It's so easy to say "just a minute" to the kids, but really it's not much time out of your day to sit down and play with your child. I want my kids to look back at their childhoods and remember these times mom and dad spent with them. I want them to remember us being hands on with them. I really think that the attention given to children during play is so important to their self-esteem. Not only is good for them, but it's good for us adults as well. Use that time with them as a de-stresser. Smile, laugh, fool around.

So sit down and play those games with your kids and HAVE FUN doing it!

The holidays are coming!

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is less than 2 weeks away! For the past few years, Thanksgiving has been at my house. It feels like it's becoming tradition to host it. It's nice to have family and friends come over. The kids always seem to have a great time and I know they're looking forward to it in a couple of weeks.

Do you have a traditional Thanksgiving?

What about all you new parents out there? This will be your first Thanksgiving with your baby. What a special time it is. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and that you make many wonderful memories. I'm sure you will develop some new traditions as your child grows older.

What are your favorite things about the holidays and what do you most look forward to this time of year? For me, it's spending time with family and watching my kids enjoy their new presents.
Feel free to leave comments!
Happy Holidays!

Back to school

I can't believe that school has started already and that my kids are now 3rd and 1st graders. Boy, the time goes by quickly! It seems that when school starts, lives get busier. With homework and after-school activities, sometimes it's hard to squeeze dinner in there! It's hard enough when you have one child, but juggling 2 or more can be even harder.

Here are some recommendations for creating a schedule that's not too hard on you or your children:

1. Don't sign your children up for too many after school activities per week. Kids need some free time to just play and so often they are on the go from when school gets out until close to bedtime. If your child wants to do karate and soccer and tennis, maybe spread them out over several seasons so they are not doing all 3 activities at the same time. If you have more than one child, I would suggest letting the child pick one activity that he is most interested in doing and work that into your schedule. Then there is still time for playdates, homework, etc.

2. Before you commit to your schedule, map it out on paper to make sure that it is feasible. Wouldn't it be awful to have signed up for classes just to find out that it's too much and impossible to get from Point A to Point B in the amount of time allowed? Then your child will be disappointed if you tell him that you have to cancel his activity and everyone will be stressed out.

3. When you are arranging your schedule, pencil in "homework time" so that it is part of the schedule. This way, there are no fights about when homework should be done. It's done on such and such a day, and that's it! :)

4. Make sure to allot time for snacks. I know that when my kids get home from school they are really hungry. I always make sure they have time to eat a good snack before their after school activity. Otherwise, I have a very cranky child.

5. Make sure your child gets enough sleep. If you find that your child is grumpy or tired during the week, maybe she is not getting enough sleep. Try an early bedtime by moving it back 15 minutes per night until it is at the desired time.


I hope that you and your children have a wonderful school year!

Haywire chemical linked to SIDS!!! (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

When I read this article on Yahoo News yesterday, I was glad to find that researchers seem to be getting closer to finding a cause for SIDS. Unfortunately, they are saying that some babies may just be prewired for this and there is no way to prevent it. The culprit may be "an imbalance in serotonin." They said that the serotonin level goes "haywire" and causes SIDS in mice that they tested. Researchers are hopeful that one day it may be possible to test newborns for their risk of SIDS.

As of now doctors recommend that babies should always be placed to sleep on their backs, as the risk of SIDS increases greatly when babies sleep on their stomachs. And parents are urged not to allow anyone to smoke around their babies, or to let their babies get too warm while sleeping.

The Baby Borrowers

I watched the show last night and had differing emotions about it.

First, I would never be able to leave my baby with a young couple who I don't know for 3 days! There is absolutely no way I would feel comfortable doing that. I honestly don't know how these parents did it.

Second, I feel bad for the babies. Many of those babies are at the age where they are experiencing separation anxiety. Even if they are not experiencing separation anxiety, I don't believe that it is good for them to be separated from their parents, placed in a home they've never been in, with people they've never seen, and nothing familiar at all. I'm not surprised that those babies were stressed out, crying, and not acting like themselves. Babies should feel safe and loved in their environment and this was far from that.

Third, I do think it's good for teenagers to see what it's like to be a parent, I'm just not sure that this is the way to do that. I just keep thinking about how that experience would be for the babies. They don't have a choice in the matter, they are just put in that situation and from what I saw last night, they were not happy about it. I don't blame them.

I wonder what the incentives were for the families who volunteered their children for this "experiment." I honestly had a hard time watching the show at times and am not sure I'll continue.

How did you feel about it?